In 2014 Gus Kenworthy Was Miserable Playing Straight
When Gus Kenworthy was asked by The Guardian to recall the 2014 Olympic Games in Sochi, where he won a silver medal as a freestyle skier for the United States, he said: "I think of that person, or look at photos of that person, and it feels like a lifetime ago."�
Today the 30-year-old is in Beijing, participating in the Olympic Games for Britain, the country of his birth, and he's one of the most notable out celebrities in the world — a far cry from eight years ago, when he feigned being straight because he was too afraid to come out of the closet.
"I'm just much happier now than I was back then, when I wasn't living my life authentically. I wasn't being my true self, and it definitely took a toll," he told the British newspaper.
Adding to his distress in 2014 was Russia's growing and very official homophobia. "�"It ate away at me. In the buildup to the Games we did lots of media training about the anti-LGBTQ legislation they had in place that foreigners wouldn't be exempt from. We were told not to talk about it. You couldn't paint your nails or wear anything rainbow. I remember being really upset — but I was still in the closet and I was scared."
Scared straight, as it turns out. Along with two other skiers, the U.S. swept the Slopestyle events and became overnight celebrities. They won on February 13 and landed on "The Today Show" the following day — Valentine's Day where they were asked their celebrity crushes and whom they would want to date. At the time Kenworthy was dating a man, but couldn't be authentic. "I just lied. I went on this whole media tour where I felt I was lying the entire time. I was very depressed, and absolutely hated myself."
At the time, rumors swirled that he was dating Miley Cyrus, which gave him little comfort. "I was trying to keep up this facade I was straight. It sounds grimy, but there's also a culture around those events where you're pulling girls at parties. I was sleeping with women and really trying so hard to fit this other narrative. But I cried after sleeping with women sometimes. It certainly was never the same after I slept with a man."
He recalls that while both he and his boyfriend (also a skier) were closeted, speculation in the Olympic Village that they were in a relationship led to gossip and even insults. "Nobody knew that we were together, but we started to get grief. If one of us was anywhere without the other person, people would go: 'Where's your boyfriend?' They were joking. But there was one skier, someone I had really looked up to, who was really harassing. He'd be like: 'Hey, faggot, where's your boyfriend?' Super-vulgar, super-crass, and really hurtful."
The harassment bothered Kenworthy so much that he asked for advice from his agent, Michael Spencer, about getting out of his contract. Spencer told him that it was locker room talk and he should brush it off; but at that point the Olympian broke down and told him the truth. "Michael was wonderful and said: 'I'll get you out of the contract, and I will keep your secret until you are ready to tell somebody.' Michael's just a very sweet straight guy, and like a father figure to me now."
He also addressed the homophobia within the sport itself. "I don't think people were trying to be malicious but if a ski course was bad they'd say: 'This course is so gay.' It would be multiple times a day. 'This is gay, that's gay, don't be a faggot.' That language takes a toll on you."
Kenworthy's relationship ended and thought of quitting the sport, but fellow skier ,�Justin Dorey, who is now his coach, changed his attitude. "My relationship had ended," Kenworthy says, "and I remember feeling pretty alone. I was gay and I wanted to enjoy that part of myself but I felt I couldn't do that because of my sport. I was not skiing well and so I thought: 'It's because I'm gay and so I want to quit.'"
Spencer convinced him to finish the season and would then come out. "Once I made that decision I went on a winning spree and climbed back to being the No 1 ranked skier."
Telling Dorey turned out to be a turning point for Kenworthy, who asked him point blank if he were gay. "His reaction was like: 'No way? That's fucking cool!' I was like 'What?'"
With new confidence, Kenworthy began to tell friends, then he went public with ESPN. "I was prepared to lose a lot coming out. In the end I lost nothing and gained so much."
He may not have won a medal at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, but he made history as the first gay athlete to kiss his partner on network television. That occurred before a Slopestyle qualifying event when he kissed his then boyfriend Matthew Wilkas and it was captured by NBC. "I was a medal favourite but I couldn't put it together on the day. But my legacy in Pyeongchang was that kiss. It amplified my story and put an exclamation mark on it. I didn't even know we were being filmed so to have it broadcast to the world felt amazing."
Wilkas was recently seen on the HBO Max series "And Just Like That" where he played a gay man who says a tasteless Holocaust joke.