Out, Gay Former NFL Player: Domestic Abuse Report ’Blown Way Out of Proportion’
0Out, gay former Vikings lineman Esera Tuaolo has been charged with misdemeanor counts of "domestic abuse, assault, and disorderly conduct," but the ex-NFL player says the reports are "blown way out of proportion."
An account of the charges, and Tuaolo's response, was published June 28 in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star-Tribune. The account says that the Ramsey Country Sheriff's Dept. responded to a June 20 disturbance that involved an "assault."
"It's blown way out of proportion," was Tuaolo's comment to the newspaper. "And that's all I can say."
However, Tuaolo did provide a little more information relevant to the incident. "I still love him, he still loves me. I've apologized." Added the former pro football player, "Don't put his name in [the article], he's not out."
Reiterated Tuaolo, "It's just one of those things that got blown out of proportion. And now that the state has control of it, I guess they are going to run with it."
GLBT athletics site Outsports also reported on the charges on June 28. Tuaolo told Outsports, "My personal relationship is very dear to my heart, and it upsets me deeply that this private matter now has to be played out in front of the public. I love my boyfriend, and I am now focused on my loving family; I ask everyone for privacy as we work through this."
The retired Vikings player told the Star-Tribune that he was "very embarrassed" about the incident, and expressed dismay about "how people are talking about my kids."
Both articles noted that the incident did not involve ex-partner Mitchell Wehrley, with whom Tuaolo is sharing parenting responsibilities. The article also noted that, "most domestic abuse cases involve heterosexual couples."
Experts say that the incidence of domestic abuse--or "intimate partner violence," as it is also called--is equally prevalent in gay and straight relationships. With gay couples, however, the abusive partner sometimes has additional pressure points to use against his victim; he can threaten to out his partner, or he can seek to control his medication use.
Tuaolo came out of the closet in 2002 during an appearance on Real Sports on HBO, recounted an earlier Outsports article from Oct. 27, 2002. During the segment, Tuaolo described to host Bernard Goldberg the pain of hearing anti-gay jokes and gibes in NFL locker rooms throughout his nine-year stint as a pro football player.
Tuaolo, who retired in 1999, told the media that, having finished his career in pro sports, he was at liberty to be open and honest about himself. "Now they'll know me for who I am--a gay NFL, well, former NFL player," Tuaolo said. "I feel wonderful. I feel like a burden has been lifted. I feel like I've taken off the costume I've been wearing all my life." Following his coming out, Tuaolo pursued a career in entertainment and was celebrated by GLBT equality advocates.
Tuaolo also wrote a memoir, 2006's Alone in the Trenches: My Life As A Gay Man in the NFL.