Pressure to be 'Perfect': Is It Killing Us?
Is the pressure on gay men to be "perfect" physical specimens becoming too much to bear — or, for some, even survive? At least one LGBTQ advocacy group warns that the answer is yes... and the problem is pernicious.
UK news source the BBC reports that a Manchester, England group, the LGBT Foundation, is sounding the alarm on how body shaming in gay culture leaves many men feeling isolated, insecure, and even suicidal.
The article revealed that:
A number of gay men have told the BBC they are going to extreme lengths to change their bodies — including using steroids and having plastic surgery — just to become "accepted" by others in the LGBT community.
Several said pressure from social media platforms and dating apps was exacerbating their body issues.
The phenomenon of emotional distress generated for some people, and especially the young, by social media — including posts from friends that make their lives seem impossibly glamorous and fulfilled — has been addressed in recent years, but the toll that gay men suffer has received less attention.
That doesn't mean it's not palpably present — and damaging. One man, identified only as Jakeb, told the BBC:
"Guys with stunning bodies get the comments and the attention."
"I've not gone on dates because I'm scared of people seeing me in real life. I would honestly have plastic surgery if I could afford it."
Jakeb became so obsessed with bulking up at the gym that he eventually turned to steroids, the article reported. His use of the muscle-enhancing drugs led to an episode of cardiac failure that nearly ended his life.
The press have taken note in the past of how older gay men can become invisible to their younger peers, or profiles can express rejection at the outset of certain body types. Racial prejudice, too, can rear its head on dating apps. But beyond that is the worry that a man's physique might prompt rejection, rather than anticipation, in person.
A man identified only as James disclosed to the BBC how just such an episode of body-shaming, in which a hookup partner made him acutely embarrassed about his abdomen, caused him to resort to a "tummy tuck" — a fairly serious surgical procedure that carries risks. For James, the results included scarring, the article said.
Author Matthew Todd, who wrote a book titled "Straight Jacket: How to Be Gay and Happy," told the BBC that one major root cause of high expectations and body shaming in the gay community is internalized homophobia.
A focus on masculinity and attractiveness can be damaging to self esteem and one's own sense of identity, noted Matthew:
"If you're a gay man, the act of finding another man attractive is also making a judgement of yourself. Many gay men confuse 'Do I want to be with him?' with 'Do I want to be him?' "