The Kinsey Sicks Have Dallas Pride
Earlier this week, Ben Schatz had de-boarded a plane in Denver, Colo.
"I was just in Dallas - on layover," he tells me during a phone interview.
Schatz's alter ego is Rachel, the pert, slutty tart who performs with the Kinsey Sicks. Schatz also serves as principal lyricist for the a capella drag quartet. He says the San Francisco-based troupe has only had one previous Dallas gig - in 2002, for a Cathedral of Hope benefit.
"But we all know D-FW very well," Schatz says. "For layover trysts."
Since airport bathrooms are making political humorists work overtime lately, Schatz says when the Sicks return next weekend for Dallas Pride, "Everyone will find out that Rachel has a very wide stance. Huge!"
When it comes revealing what's exactly in store for their upcoming gig at the Lakewood Theatre, Schatz's lips are tighter than Joan Rivers' facelift.
"There is a title for the show. But I won't tell you what it is," Schatz says.
After an exasperated sigh, he finally gives in.
"It's called 'Condoleezzapalooza,'" he relents.
According to Rachel, Condoleezza Rice was the group's old piano player.
"But she ditched us for some other job - God only knows what. And now we're struggling to perform without her," she explains.
What was Condi like back then?
"She was horny. Totally horny," Rachel says.
For what gender?
"I'm sorry. To find out, you'll have to see the show," he continues.
Many North Texans probably don't know what to expect in a Kinsey Sicks show. But a good primer was recently released: the DVD "I Want to Be a Republican" (EyeThink Pictures, $25). The concert film shows America's favorite "dragapella" group at a mock GOP fundraiser - where Bush is scheduled to give "his first ever coherent public policy address."
Condoleezza Rice
As Rachel, Winnie, Trixie and Trampolina announce their conversion to conservatism, the Sicks flex their wicked wit and impressive musical chops.
This week, reports about author Robert Draper's new book says that George and Laura Bush will officially move to Dallas after they leave the White House. Since Schatz recently wrote an entire show about Log Cabin culture, I ask what he'd do if he discovered that the Bush clan were about to move to his hometown.
"I'd leave," Schatz says.
"Seriously, one thing Dallas and the Kinsey Sicks probably have in common is our big hair. And if George and Laura were coming to my town, I'd try to get them to wear their hair bigger. And I'd get them to wear the wigs on their heads bigger, too," he says.
Was that an entendre about a merkin?
"I guess you'll have to read between the lines. And to find out more, you'll have to see our show," Schatz repeats.
Does Kinsey Sicks ever make jabs at Democrats? How do they feel about Hillary Clinton or Barak Obama - Dems who can't stoop low enough to guarantee gays equal marriage rights.
"The Kinsey Sicks engage in politics through humor. We don't usually get asked serious political questions and not give tongue-in-cheek responses. We're not a political organization with a platform," he explains.
So does that mean the Sicks always play it safe?
"Oh, no. Here's our view of American politics. You have two choices: The people who totally screw you over; and the people who partly screw you over. So I'll go with the people who'll partly screw you over," Schatz continues. "And that generally means that we do not go after the Democrats."