WANNA EDGE?: If You're Gay, Doing Sexy Stuff in the Mirror Takes Auto-Eroticism to a Whole New Level
Welcome to WANNA EDGE? — EDGE's deep-dive into sex and sexuality by Jake Myers, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist living in Los Angeles, Calif.
If you're attracted to people of the same sex, you're in luck!
Not only does queer culture embrace a sex-positive attitude towards exploration with lots of partners, but as someone attracted to the same gender as your own, we get the unique advantage of being turned on by...well, ourselves! Whether you're an adolescent locking himself in his bedroom for hours with a box of Kleenex, or a healthy, sexually-active adult, gay people have a distinctive opportunity when it comes to self-pleasuring — getting off on our own reflection in the mirror.
If you like men, and you're looking at a man in the mirror (you!), that's a lot more exciting than if you were a straight guy looking at yourself, hoping to see the image of a hot chick reflected back at you. Sure, getting off on yourself might sound a little narcissistic, but male body parts are male body parts, and when we see ourselves, it can remind us of the features we love about the male physique. A bicep, a happy trail, a torso; all things that might turn us on in someone else.
Beyond that, a gay person seeing a reflection of themselves can create an entire fantasy about what's playing out in the mirror. After all, even though it's your own image, you're seeing a guy who's getting off, something you might enjoy seeing your boyfriend do, or your latest Grindr conquest. In a way, it's like you're watching gay porn, but you're the director and you're also the actor! It's your very own live solo scene.
If you're up for it, you can take the fantasy even further. Perhaps, you might imagine that what you're seeing in the reflection is actually what someone else is seeing, and it's your job to turn that (imaginary) person on. Or, if you really want to get the creative juices flowing, you might imagine that the person you're watching is an entirely different person altogether, and you've met up to watch each other hook up in the sauna. Think of it as role play, only you're playing both roles in the scene.
Sure, watching ourselves might not be as exciting and stimulating as seeing the hot guy you've been eying at the gym, after all, we probably see our naked body almost every day. But that doesn't mean it can't still be titillating, and if we have this unique advantage of being turned on by our own gender, why not enjoy that little perk that comes with being queer?
And, by the way, this isn't just for the boys, either.
Last week, after moody pop-icon Billie Eilish told Rolling Stone she "wanted my face in a vagina", she went on to talk about masturbation.
"TMI, but self-pleasure is an enormous, enormous part of my life, and a huge, huge help for me. People should be jerking it, man. I can't stress it enough, as somebody with extreme body issues and dysmorphia that I've had my entire life," the Oscar-winning singer shared.
Eilish added that she likes to pleasure herself in front of her mirror.
"Partly because it's hot, but it also makes me have such a raw, deep connection to myself and my body, and have a love for my body that I have not really ever had. I got to say, looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking 'I look really good right now' is so helpful," she explained.
"You can manufacture the situation you're in to make sure you look good. You can make the light super dim, you can be in a specific outfit or in a specific position that's more flattering," the out musician continued. "I have learned that looking at myself and watching myself feel pleasure has been an extreme help in loving myself and accepting myself, and feeling empowered and comfortable."
Eilish brings up a good point: For some of us, looking in the mirror is not an easy thing. If there are things you don't like about your physical appearance, it's hard to have a positive experience when you're faced with those perceived flaws. Sexy time in a mirror can be a very intimate experience, and intimacy can be threatening. But like with other types of relationships, intimacy can be nurtured, and the mirror can give you the opportunity to foster it towards yourself, in a way that feels comfortable for you. Just like it might make you feel self-conscious to get naked in front of another person, the same can happen when looking at ourselves.
Maybe it's not easy to look at a certain body part, so you can start by focusing on something else at first, and grow from there. Or, as Billie points out, you can adjust the setting to see yourself in the best possible light. Take it slow, and eventually, maybe you'll be able to get off on yourself.
Couples have also enjoyed watching themselves having sex in the mirror for eons (remember when hotel rooms had mirrors on the ceiling?). So, can a solo mirror sesh be just as rewarding? Of course, as with everything, moderation is key. After all, if you're a mythology buff, you know Narcissus ultimately died becoming entranced by his own reflection in a pool, not catering to his other needs. So, the goal here isn't to become obsessed with yourself.
Instead, think of it as one more way to enhance your sexual pleasure. And if you end up building up a positive body image in the meanwhile, all the better. If it's not for you, that's OK too...some things feel like they're just smoke and mirrors.