Planning the Perfect Wedding, With a Little Help

Everything from Catering to Designated Sober Concierge

For chef Karl Wilder, a cancellation due to anti-gay sentiment was what got him into the business. He was called upon to cater the New York wedding of septuagenarians, whose original caterer balked when he heard it was a union of two men.

"The food was already purchased, but I retooled the menu and gave them a five-course meal with service. And for an extra tip, the waiter served dessert naked," said Wilder. "It was shocking to me that in 2012, a caterer would walk out because it was a gay event. But I found it wasn't uncommon for bakers or florists to refuse service to gays, even in states considered liberal."

Wilder teamed up with the Fordham Underground Comedy Troupe (FUCT), an adult entertainment company, and www.GayPartyPackages.com was born. Today they offer catering and entertainment for events ranging from weddings to bachelor parties and birthdays, for all budgets and for all tastes.

And in a unique turn, Wilder has found a niche business as a sober concierge. As part of his business, he will accompany the bride or groom for their bachelor party or big night out, traveling to cities from Key West to Paris to make sure the crew has fun but doesn't get into too much trouble, that they make it back to the hotel and get enough sleep. He'll even cook breakfast in the morning.

Catering for All Budgets

For owner Michael Watts and owner/executive chef Kurt Kretzschmar of the LGBT-certified business www.CocktailCaterers.com, occasional low-price points have become an opportunity to educate the community on the realities of throwing a formal wedding reception for friends and family.

"As a gay community, we never grew up thinking we'd be able to get married," says Watts. "Brides grow up dreaming about their dress, shoes, flowers, cake - and knowing what these things cost. They've saved up their whole life for their wedding. Gay couples don't have those savings, and weddings are much more expensive than they think."

"But one thing gays do know is their parties," says Watts. With that in mind, many of his clients opt to make their wedding a celebration, eschewing the traditional in favor of more festive events. For example, instead of a traditional buffet service, which Cocktail Caterers offers for $120 per person, gay clients often opt for "extended cocktail parties," where for $85, guests can mingle while enjoying light snacks, heavier hors d'oeuvres and then small plates.

One success story on their website is the wedding of Barry Rosenthal and Alan Cohen, who opted to have Cocktail Caterers stage a brunch reception in their home. Watts said they brought high-tops with tea caddies, sandwiches and flowers; set up a mimosa station with fresh fruits and juices; and "got both the wedding feel and the brunch feel with this brunch cocktail party."

"We are a gay couple ourselves, and people want to support LGBT-owned or certified businesses," said Watts. "We work with gay businesses, because we want to ensure that there is no discrimination. If you are going to get a gay wedding, you might as well support a gay business."

Destination Weddings Are a Big Hit

Looking to combine your wedding and honeymoon? Resort Las Alamandas in Mexico works closely with high-end wedding planners from Puerto Vallarta to create a magical, private, unforgettable experience.

"Everything we do is custom-designed," says Las Alamandas General Manager Dorota Antoszkiewicz. "Because of the nature of the property, it's like a private estate, so we do whatever we can as far as the guests' personal needs are concerned."

The past haunt of VIPs and celebrity guests, Los Alamandas has only recently been open to the public. For about $50,000, you can have 30 of your friends and family to Mexico for a very intimate, private affair.

With 17 suites, the resort's maximum capacity is only 40 guests, leading many couples to choose to rent out the entire resort for an exclusive destination wedding.

"As far as the weddings, we can do everything custom-designed," Alamandas explains. "We can order flowers, or use birds of paradise and bougainvillea from our own garden."

When it comes to the ceremony, guests can choose between the garden or a beach wedding, followed by a cocktail reception and dinner. Los Alamandas serves up organic cuisine, 80 percent of which is grown on the property. They source freshly caught fish from the fishermen's village nearby, and their multi-talented chef can prepare the cuisine to the client's liking, be it Mexican, Asian or fusion.

"The only guests here are those registered here, and we treat everyone very friendly and open, because my staff has been catering to the LGBT community for many years," she adds. "For couples looking for something very extraordinary, this is very much among the best of what Mexico has to offer."

From tropical locales in the Caribbean and South Pacific to exciting and romantic cities across the United States and Europe, www.GayDestinationWeddings.com specializes in taking gay couples and their guests to properties where their unions are embraced.

"The last thing we want is for a couple to go to a resort and feel uncomfortable or unwelcome," says Brand Manager Sean Horrigan. "We did a lot of vetting and secret shopping at the properties, because we wanted to make sure it was a nonissue, and that our clients were treated like anyone else."

"With destination travel, you tend to have a VIP list of guests that is much smaller. At a local wedding, you tend to have to invite a lot of people, like your neighbors or your aunt's friend, and this is one way to get that number down," said Horrigan. "And you don't have to travel for your honeymoon, because you're right there. It's a great way to spend quality time with friends and family for a couple of days doing brunches, spending time at the beach, on excursions and a lot of bonding."

In April, the company took its first official couple, Ryan Loehndorf and Dustin Thompson, and 42 guests to Costa Rica for a wedding at the Hilton Papagayo. The destination wedding fee included an all-day excursion for the 16 wedding-party members, including horseback riding, white-water rafting, zip-lining, mud baths and hot springs.

"The entire trip cost $28,000 -- a bargain well worth the year of savings it took us to get there. In comparison, throwing a big wedding in Chicago could cost up to $75,000," says Thompson.

Additionally, Gay Destination Weddings has created G-List, a roster of approved resorts and hotels they work with, and has become a Bronze Partner with HRC, donating trips and wedding packages to their auctions.

"It's an education for a lot of us, including me, and I'm gay," says Horrigan. "We still say things like 'bride and groom,' and part of this is about changing the language around wedding planning."

The Nation’s Leading Same-Sex Wedding Expert

Bernadette Coveney Smith started her Boston-based same-sex wedding planning company, www.14Stories.com , at the start of the wave for legal marriage equality in 2004. The name 14 Stories refers to the number of individual plaintiffs in the case that first legalized marriage in Massachusetts.

"I had been going to protests in the State House in Massachusetts and saw couples fighting for their rights. I had a feeling that this was history," says Smith. "I knew there was money to be made but also wanted to take a different approach to wedding planning, and help same-sex couples navigate this."

Over the past nine years, 14 Stories offices in Boston and New York City have produced close to 400 weddings, both small and large, for locals and for those from out of state. With the legalization of same-sex marriage in New York in 2011, she has seen her business double.

Smith said her weddings range from simple to extravagant. On a more intimate scale was the wedding of a Dallas couple with teens who traveled to New York City for a surprise ceremony at Columbia University's St. Paul's Chapel, followed by a private dinner for 13 at a separate location.

A lavish event was a wedding that took over the Fire Island Pines last September, with 250 guests enjoying a welcome party at the grooms' house on Friday, the ceremony and reception at Whyte Hall on Saturday, and a Sunday brunch.

"We had to bring in everything from the city -- our own caterer, rentals, $40,000 in furniture and flatware -- and then there was only one car on the whole island that we could use to transport it," says Smith. "We did an elaborate party on the beach with two hot go-go boys who used to tour with Lady Gaga. It was very elaborate and very expensive, and a huge success. People are still talking about it."

Ever philanthropic, her company makes a donation to an LGBT organization like Marriage Equality USA on the anniversary of each couple they wed. And through her Gay Weddings Institute, she has certified close to 400 wedding planners across the globe, saying, "It is really a big passion of mine; I love the education aspects as much as I love working with the couples. I personally only have the capacity to plan 8 to 10 weddings per year, but through these trainings I can have much more of an impact on making the industry a more inclusive place. Every week I hear about a florist or baker that won't serve an LGBT couple, and I want to change all of that."