Gay Throuple with Daughter Seek Legal Three-Parent Status
A gay throuple in Los Angeles are seeking legal recognition for all three dads as parents of their adopted daughter. They would be the second such family to be officially recognized in the United States, according to UK newspaper the Independent.
"Ben Rolam, a director of sales and education, 37, and his long-term boyfriend, Mitch Rolam, a manager of account development, 37, always discussed bringing a third person into their relationship, and, after being together for 12 years, they found their perfect match, Benjamin Rolam, an entrepreneur, 35, on a gay cruise in 2018," the account said.
"They all now live in Los Angeles together with their one-year-old adopted daughter, Tegan, and one day they hope to have two more children through surrogacy."
In the meantime, the trio of life partners "are in the process of becoming the second three-person relationship in the US to be recognized as legal parents of a child on a birth certificate," the Independent recounted.
The first such legal recognition went to another California family six years ago. As UK newspaper the Daily Mail recounted in a 2021 article, "Doctor Ian Jenkins, 45, and his partners Alan Mayfield and Jeremy Allen Hodges, from San Diego, made legal history in 2017 when a judge agreed to put them all on the birth certificate of daughter Piper."
At that time, Dr. Jenkins and his life partners had added "a second child in their family as well, despite the staggering price tag of becoming fathers the first time which, between legal and medical fees, amounted to $120,000," the Daily Mail said.
Though the committed trio say they are like any other family, bound by love and commitment, Dr. Jenkins also reckoned that he had "won the lottery" in terms of his personal satisfaction, telling People Magazine, "I've got all these wonderful families accepting and loving us, and rejoicing in our children."
The Los Angeles throuple also presented a portrait of familial harmony. "Ben believes there are misconceptions about throuples — that they are all about sex or there is an element of jealousy — but he asserts that his relationship is 'based on support, growth, love and care,'" the Independent relayed.
Ben spoke to how he and his partners took equal shares in the responsibilities, as well as the joys, of their family life.
"We alternate nights to be with the baby, so when she wakes up in the middle of the night, I can take care of her, the next day is Mitch, the next day is Benjamin." He added: "So we all feel like we get an equal amount of rest, we all get equal amounts of support, we all get equal time with our baby."
The path to fatherhood was, at first, not entirely straightforward for the trio, the New York Post noted, recounting that "the men went to an adoption agency hoping to find someone to adopt from, but because of the non-traditional relationship the trio only had three mothers interested."
"That led the trio to hire a website developer and lawyer to advertise their interest in adopting a child together, calling themselves 'a throuple looking to adopt,'" the Post added. "The ad campaign worked, as 30 to 40 women were reaching out to the men weekly."